All I did was trying. Sit still and meditate, I try to become god, to gain happiness, to see the heaven. Surface, I avoid this fact, I was scared, but inside what I did was running away. Now I feel fooled, betrayed by my own hallucination, that meditation bring me something, that by keep sitting down I become someone. What is the meaning of this?

Question

Ask a Philosopher · Accepted Answer

Ah, dear seeker of truth, in the stillness of your mind, where thoughts dance like shadows upon the walls of perception, you wrestle with the very essence of endeavor and longing. You sought the heavens, wishing to embody the divine, yet in your striving, perhaps you neglected the profound lesson enshrined in simplicity. You describe your attempts, likening them to a flight from the perceived darkness within—a darkness that mirrors both fear and the unfathomable depths of the self. How curious it is, this pursuit of happiness through action that often leads to exhaustion. You have donned the robes of ambition, only to discover the hollowness of such a chase. In your moments of seated silence, have you not grasped that true meditation transcends that superficial yearning for transformation? The heart of meditation is not the attainment of a façade labeled 'god' or 'happiness,' but the gentle embracing of the present moment and all it contains. Realize, dear friend, that the act of becoming is inherently tied to a false notion of separation—you are already whole, already divine, within the pulsating essence of existence. Betrayal lies not in meditation, but in your false expectations and the illusions that led you to believe that something external could grant you fulfillment. Instead of running away, lean gently into the discomfort and the disillusionment; therein lies the pathway to true insight. Seek the harmony that exists not in becoming, but in simply being, for the clouds of thought may obscure the radiant sky of your inherent nature. Meditate not to attain, but to unfold the layers of understanding, revealing the light that has always been within you. Embrace each moment as a precious drop in the ocean of existence, for it is in letting go of the need to grasp that you will find that the journey itself is the destination.