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Question

Ask a Philosopher · Accepted Answer

To defecate or to urinate, that is the question; 
Whether 'tis nobler in the bowel to suffer 
The pangs and discomfort of an untimely fecal desire, 
Or to take arms against a sea of bladder tension 
And, by releasing, end them. To pee—to void,
No more; and by a voiding movement to say we end
The stomach ache, and the myriad natural ills
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To void alas, to wee;
To excrete, perhaps to fart—ay, there's the rub:
For in that release of gas what poops may come,
When we have shuffled off this bladder's coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes us pause and hesitate:
For who would bear the grunts and strains of bowel's weight,
The bathroom's scorn, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of dispriz'd sphincter, the longing delay,
The insolence of undigested food, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy bowels
When he himself might his tightness loosen
With a simple release? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and strain under a weary life,
But that the fear of something after excretion,
The undiscover'd trip, from whose relief
No traveler returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thinking,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.—Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.