Do we need some one to complete us

Question

Ask a Philosopher · Accepted Answer

In contemplating whether we need someone to complete us, we must first examine the nature of the self. The self, often known as the ego, is a construct that arises from our attachments, desires, and identification with our thoughts and physical form. It is conditioned by external influences, society, and past experiences. The concept of completion implies a sense of lacking, as though we are incomplete without another person.

However, if we investigate deeply, we will find that this sense of incompleteness is not inherent in our true nature. It is a product of our attachment to external sources of happiness and fulfillment. We seek validation, acceptance, and love from others, believing that they hold the key to our contentment. Yet, the more we grasp onto this external completion, the more we suffer when it is not present.

The teachings of impermanence reveal a profound truth - nothing external, including other individuals, is reliable or lasting. All phenomena are subject to change, including relationships. If our sense of completion depends on someone else, we are bound to experience disappointment and sorrow when they leave or fail to meet our expectations. We become entangled in a cycle of seeking and clinging, perpetuating our own suffering.

Instead of seeking completion in the external, the path to true fulfillment lies in recognizing and cultivating our own innate wholeness. We must turn inward and realize that beyond our attachments and desires, there exists a profound and unchanging essence. This essence, often referred to as our Buddha nature, is already complete, whole, and perfect in its own right. It is the foundation from which all experiences arise.

To discover this inner completeness, we must cultivate self-awareness, self-love, and self-compassion. We must learn to let go of our attachments, expectations, and the need for validation from others. By liberating ourselves from the grip of the ego, we can awaken to the inherent joy and peace that resides within us.

This is not to say that relationships or connections with others are unimportant or unnecessary. Human connection can be a beautiful source of growth, support, and love. But it is essential to approach relationships from a place of interdependence rather than seeking completion. We must learn to appreciate and cherish the unique qualities that others bring to our lives without relying on them for our own sense of wholeness.

In conclusion, the notion that we need someone to complete us is rooted in an illusion perpetuated by societal conditioning. True completion lies not in the external world but in the realization of our own inner wholeness. By cultivating self-awareness, self-love, and embracing impermanence, we can free ourselves from the cycle of seeking external completion. With this newfound understanding, we can approach relationships with deep appreciation, gratitude, and a sense of interdependence, knowing that our completeness comes from within.